The Liar

The Liar - Humour, tall tales, celebrity news. PLUS: Porkie pies, lies, blatant untruths, invented stories and generally a load of old tosh. And proud of it.
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The Liar. It's quite splendid. Honest, guvnor.     The Liar

Friday, November 30, 2001
Did you know?...

* Pablo Picasso, well-regarded "surrealist" painter of the last century, has today been revealed as a hoaxer! "I didn't make it up," says Pablo in an exclusive interview with our reporter, "These things actually happened! That chick in Guernica, with both eyes on the same side of her face? I went out with her for a bet, when I was pissed! She gives crap blow-jobs- no depth perception, you see." Leaders of the so-called "surrealist" school of art denied Sr. Picasso's statement, saying "We made it up all the time, honest! Have you ever seen elephants with legs that long?"

Sr Picasso is 103.
posted by Melanie 11:54 PM [edit] 

* Gordon Brown, Chancellor of the United Kingdom, is to go solo! Gordon, known as "The quiet one of New Labour", announced his plans today. " I've just grown tired of neo-monetarist policies" said Gordon, in a candid interview today. " It's just not where it's at. I've become convinced, during my studies with Keynsian economists, that trickle-down economics just does not work, and that the only way forward is through the re-distribution of wealth."
Acknowledged "Party" leader, Tony Blair said "Gordon has been unhappy with the direction of the party for some time and. although we are all sad to see him go, we hope the the 'New Labour' project can continue with the great success that it's experienced to date". Future plans for the "party" are as yet unknown, although a new policy release is expected within the next three minutes- so nothing new there.

Gordon Brown is 103.
posted by Melanie 11:44 PM [edit] 

* Indian Elephants live in giant underground burrows, some of which are the size of St. Paul's cathedral.
posted by Jon 11:02 PM [edit] 

* Christmas in Danger. The Yuletide festivities are hanging by a thread this year, reports our special correspondent, unless the current situation in Afghanistan is resolved before the 25th of December. A leaked CIA paper reveals that Osama bin Laden is Santa Claus. The Taliban are all elves. His secret network of caves are filled with presents, and if Santa remains pinned down by rocket fire in the Hindu Kush, he won't be able to deliver them. The document also reveals that the reason for Santa/Osama's attack on the WTC and the Pentagon, using specially trained squads of suicidal Islamic fundamentelvists, was in protest against the commercialisation of the Festive Season. The dispute can probably be traced back to the Coca-Cola corporation's early use of Santa within their advertising. The situation became more dangerous in the eighties however, after McDonald's backed by CIA operatives, attempted to topple Santa and install Ronald the Clown as a "puppet St. Nicholas." Things became critical when Osama/Santa began to use the international heroin trade to finance his present making/delivering operation, necessitating him to shift his operation from the North Pole to Afghanistan. A Taliban spokes-elf recently stated 'If people in the West wish to support Santa's struggle, they must give heroin to their children this Christmas.'
posted by Jon 10:58 PM [edit] 

* Two little known facts about caterpillers: (1) they have X-ray vision, and (2) they spend approx 80% of their lifetime crawling backwards.
posted by Gina Snowdoll 5:06 PM [edit] 

* The cult television programme Star Trek was originally inspired by prehistoric cave paintings discovered in Chile in the mid-1950s.
Prehistotic Trek

posted by Gina Snowdoll 5:06 PM [edit] 

* A little-known claim to fame of the notorious Italian revolutionary Giuseppe Garibaldi is that he was the inventor of the trouser pocket.
posted by Gina Snowdoll 11:49 AM [edit] 

* "Scissors" is the only word in the English language which can be traced back to the Cretaceous period.
posted by Gina Snowdoll 10:55 AM [edit] 

* Robbie Williams was in fact cloned from the yolk of a genetically modified Canadian Goose egg.
posted by Gina Snowdoll 10:52 AM [edit] 

* Elvis Presley had four microbes which he kept as pets. Each was named "Simon", as he claimed he couldn't tell them apart anyway.
posted by Gina Snowdoll 10:32 AM [edit] 


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